Harry S. Stamper
Bruce Willis as "Harry S. Stamper" in Armageddon (1998):
I ain't gonna kill him. I'm just gonna take a foot off of him. A man can work with one foot.
Private. J.T. 'Joker' Davis
Private. J.T. 'Joker' Davis
Actor: Matthew Modine (age 28 in this movie)
Private. J.T. 'Joker' Davis's Memorable Quotes:
Private Joker
The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.
Private Joker
Private Gomer Pyle
Are those... live rounds?Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket.
Private Joker
[last lines][voice-over] My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.
Private Cowboy
Private Joker
Don't shit me, man!I wouldn't shit you. You're my favorite turd!
Private Joker
Private Gomer Pyle
Leonard, if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we'll both be in a world of shit.I *am*... in a world... of shit.
POGE Colonel
Private Joker
Marine, what is that button on your body armor?A peace symbol, sir.Where'd you get it?I don't remember, sir.What is that you've got written on your helmet?"Born to Kill", sir.You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?No, sir.You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.Yes, sir.Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.The what?The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.Whose side are you on, son?Our side, sir.Don't you love your country?Yes, sir.Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?Yes, sir.Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.Aye-aye, sir.
Animal Mother
Private Joker
You a photographer?I'm a combat correspondent.Well, you seen much combat?[sarcastic] I've seen a little on TV.You're a real comedian.Well, they call me the Joker.Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.[doing John Wayne impression] Well, pilgrim, only after you eat the peanuts out of my shit!You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
Private Joker
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!
Private Joker
A day without blood is like a day without sunshine.
Door Gunner
Private Joker
Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone who runs, is a VC. Anyone who stands still, is a well-disciplined VC! You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!Why should we do a story about you?'Cuz I'm so fuckin' good! I done got me 157 dead gooks killed. Plus 50 water buffalo, too! Them's all confirmed!Any women or children?Sometimes!How can you shoot women or children?Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much! Ain't war hell?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Pickett
Toe Jam
Adams
Taylor
Private Joker
Private Gomer Pyle
Private Cowboy
Pickett!Sir, yes, sir!0300. Infantry. Toe Jam!Sir, yes, sir!0300. Infantry. Adams!Sir, yes, sir!1800. Engineers. You go out and find mines. Cowboy!Sir, yes, sir!0300. Infantry. Taylor!Sir, yes, sir!0300. Infantry. Joker!Sir, yes, sir!4212. Basic Military Journalism. You gotta be shittin' me, Joker. You think you're Mickey Spillane? You think you're some kind of a fuckin' writer?Sir, I wrote for my high school newspaper, sir!Jesus H. Christ! You're not a writer. You're a killer!A killer, yes, sir!Gomer Pyle. GOMER PYLE![staring into space] Sir, yes, sir!You forget your fuckin' name? 0300. Infantry. You made it.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Joker
Private Gomer Pyle
What's your sixth general order?Sir, the private's sixth general order is to receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me... all orders - Sir, the private's sixth general order - Sir, the private has been instructed, but he does not know, sir!You slimy scumbag! Get on your face and give me 25.Sir, aye-aye, sir!

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman walks toward Pvt. Pyle; Pyle holds up his rifle]

How many counts in that movement you just executed?[hard and firm tone] Sir, four counts, sir!What's the idea of looking down in the chamber?Sir, that is to guarantee that the private is not giving the inspecting officer a loaded weapon, sir!What's your fifth general order?Sir, the private's fifth general order is to quit my post only when properly relieved, sir!What's this weapon's name, Private Pyle?Sir, the private's weapon's name is Charlene, sir!Private Pyle, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.Sir, yes, sir!
Private Joker
[narrating] Graduation is only a few days away, and the recruits of Platoon 3092 are salty. They are ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds. The drill instructors are proud to see that we are growing beyond their control. The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.
Private Joker
[narrating] Our last night on the island. I draw fire watch.
Private Joker
Private Cowboy
I wanna slip my tube steak into your sister. What'll you take in trade?What do you got?
Da Nang Hooker
Private Joker
Hey, baby. You got girlfriend Vietnam?Not just this minute.Well, baby, me so horny. Me so HORNY. Me love you long time. You party?Yeah, we might party. How much?Fifteen dollar.Fifteen dollars for both of us?No. Each you fifteen dollar. Me love you long time. Me so HORNY.Fifteen dollar too beaucoup. Five dollars each.Me sucky-sucky. Me love you too much.Five dollars is all my mom allows me to spend.Okay. Ten dollar each.What do we get for ten dollars?Every t'ing you want.Everything?Every t'ing.[to Rafterman] Well, old buddy, feel like spending some of your hard-earned money?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Joker
Private Snowball
Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?Sir, no, sir!Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!

[slaps Joker]

You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you DO love the Virgin Mary, don't ya?Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?Sir, NEGATIVE, sir! Sir, the private belives any answer he gives will be wrong and the Senior Drill Instructor will only beat him harder if he reverses himself, SIR!Who's your squad leader, scumbag?Sir, the squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!Private Snowball!Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!Private Snowball, you're fired. Private Joker's promoted to squad leader.Sir, aye-aye, sir!Disappear, scumbag!Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Private Cowboy
Private Joker
Private Eightball
Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.What was the matter with him?He was jerkin' off ten times a day.No shit. At least ten times a day.Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.
Private Joker
Private Cowboy
Private Eightball
Donlon
T.H.E. Rock
Doc Jay
Crazy Earl
Private Rafterman
Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam - the Movie."Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne. I''ll be a horse.T.H.E. Rock can be a rock.I''ll be Ann-Margret.Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo.I''ll be General Custer.Well, who''ll be the Indians?

[Animal Mother]:Hey, we''ll let the gooks play the Indians.

Lt. Lockhart
Private Joker
Private Rafterman
Charlie has hit every major military target in Vietnam, and hit 'em hard. In Saigon, the United States Embassy has been overrun by suicide squads. Khe Sahn is standing by to be overrun. We also have reports that a division of N.V.A. has occupied all of the city of Hue south of the Perfume River. In strategic terms, Charlie's cut the country in half... the civilian press are about to wet their pants and we've heard even Cronkite's going to say the war is now unwinnable. In other words, it's a huge shit sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite.Sir... does this mean that Ann-Margret's not coming?Joker... I want you to get straight up to Phu Bai. Captain January will need all his people.Yes, sir.And Joker, you will take off that damn button. How's it gonna look if you get killed wearing a peace symbol?Sir? Permission to go with Joker?Permission granted.Thank you, sir.Sir, permission not to take Rafterman with me?You still here? Vanish, Joker, most ricky-tick, and take Rafterman with you. You're responsible for him.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Cowboy
Private Joker
As soon as your bunks are done, I want you two turds to clean the head. and Sir, yes, sir.I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Joker
[referring to Lee Harvey Oswald and mass murderer Charles Whitman]Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?... Private Joker.Sir. In the Marines, Sir.In the Marines. Outstanding. Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do. And before you ladies leave my Island, you will all be able to do the same thing.
Private Joker
[narrating] Parris Island, South Carolina. The Marine Corps Training Depot. An eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.
Private Joker
Ya know, half of these gook whores are serving officers in the Viet Cong; the other half have got T.B. Be sure you only fuck the ones that cough.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Joker
What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the senior drill instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine that is locked and loaded, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Gomer Pyle
Private Joker
Private Pyle!Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you WILL bunk with him! He'll teach you everything; he'll teach you how to pee!Sir, aye aye, sir!Private Joker, he's silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts and guts is enough. Now you two ladies carry on!Sir, aye aye, sir!
Lt. Lockhart
Private Joker
[reading] ... we have a new directive from M.A.F. on this. In the future, in place of "search and destroy," substitute the phrase "sweep and clear." Got it?Got it. Very catchy.
Private Joker
Da Nang Hooker
What do we get for ten dollars?Every t'ing you wan'.Everything?Every t'ing.[to Rafterman] Whaddya think, man? Ready to spend some of your hard-earned money?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Cowboy
Private Joker
Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing! I will PT you all until you fucking die! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk!

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman grabs Pvt. Cowboy by the shirt]

Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?Sir, no Sir!You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm! I bet it was you!Sir, no Sir!Sir, I said it, Sir!Well, no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister!

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman punches Pvt. Joker in the stomach]

You little scumbag! I got your name! I got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!Sir, Yes sir!Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?Sir, to kill, sir!So you're a killer?Sir, yes sir!Then let me see your war face![nervously] Sir?You got a war face! AAAAAAAAHH! That's a war face, let me see your war face!Ahhhh!Bullshit. You didn't convince me. let me see your REAL war face![Screaming] AHHHHHHHHHHH!You don't scare me! Work on it!Sir, yes sir!
Private Joker
You know, half of these gook whores are sworn members of the Vietcong. The other half got TB. Make sure you only fuck the ones who cough.
Private Cowboy
Private Joker
Been getting any?Only your sister.Well, better my sister than my mom, and my mom ain't bad.
Private Joker
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Cowboy
[doing a bad John Wayne impersonation] Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle toed cock-sucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will P.T. you all until fucking die. I'll P.T you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk![Grabs Cowboy and questions him] Was you you scroungy little fuck, huh?Sir, No Sir!You little piece of shit, you look like a fucking worm. I'll bet it was you!Sir, No Sir!Sir, I said it sir.Well, no shit. What have we got here? A fucking comedian, Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.[hits Joker in the belly who falls to his knees] You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry. You will learn by the numbers, I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet. You had best unfuck your self or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck![gets back to his feet] Sir, yes Sir!Private Joker why did you join my beloved Corps?Sir, to kill sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Private Cowboy
Private Snowball
Private Joker
Do any of you people know who Charles Whitman was? None of you dumbasses knows? Private Cowboy?Sir, he was that guy who shot all those people from that tower in Austin, Texas, sir!That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed twelve people from a twenty-eight-story observation tower at the University of Texas from distances up to four hundred yards. Anybody know who Lee Harvey Oswald was? Private Snowball?Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir!That's right, and do you know how far away he was?Sir, it was pretty far! From that book suppository building, sir!All right, knock it off! Two hundred and fifty feet! He was two hundred and fifty feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a head shot! Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot? Private Joker?Sir, in the Marines, sir!In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will be able to do the same thing!
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