The Joker
Jack Nicholson as "The Joker" in Batman (1989):
Where does he get those wonderful toys?
Lt. Hiram Coffey
Lt. Hiram Coffey
Actor: Michael Biehn (age 33 in this movie)
Lt. Hiram Coffey's Memorable Quotes:
Lt. Hiram Coffey
Sniff something? Did ya, rat boy?
Lt. Hiram Coffey
It went straight for the warhead, and they think it's cute.
Lt. Hiram Coffey
We don't need them. We can't trust them. We may have to take steps. We're gonna have to take steps.
Lt. Hiram Coffey
Everybody just stay calm. The situation is under control.
Lindsey Brigman
Lt. Hiram Coffey
[Lindsay sees the nuclear warhead]You know, you've got some huevos bringin' that thing into my rig. With all that's going on up in the world you bring a nuclear weapon IN HERE?Mrs. Brigman...Does this strike anyone as particularly psychotic, or is it just me?Mrs. Brigman, you don't need to know the details of our operation, it's better if you don't.You're right, I don't need to know, what I need to know is that THING is off this rig, do you hear me ROGER RAMJET?
Lindsey Brigman
Lt. Hiram Coffey
[passing over the wreck of the Montana]Coffey, these are the missile hatches, is that right?That's right. It looks like a couple of hatches have sprung. Radiation's nominal. Warheads must still be intact.How many are there?Twenty-four Trident missiles, eight M.I.R.V.s per missile.[after a pause] That's a hundred and ninety-two warheads, Coffey. How powerful are they?The M.I.R.V. is a tactical nuke. Uh, fifty kilotons, nominal yield, say... five times Hiroshima.

[One Night, listening, mouths "fuck!"]

Jesus Christ. It's World War Three in a can.
Virgil 'Bud' Brigman
Lisa 'One Night' Standing
Alan 'Hippy' Carnes
Gerard Kirkhill, Benthic Explorer Captain
Lt. Hiram Coffey
[One Night is trying to disconnect the umbilical]How's it going, One Night?All hell must be breakin' loose up there. This cable's pissin' me off. I can't get a grip on it!Well, keep tryin' baby, just keep tryin'.[back on the Benthic] Shit! We've got a problem! We're losing number two thruster! Bearing's going... It's not holding! We're swinging out of position here!God damn it!

[the cable slams into One Night's cab]

Shit!The rig is movin'!Yeah, I can see that!

[to the radio]

Topside! Topside, pay out some slack, we're gettin' dragged!

[to the crane operator over radio]

Down on number one winch!We're gettin' dragged![shouts] Down on one!

[he gestures frantically through the window at the crane operator; the crane operator signals that he can't hear; the crane breaks off the ship and falls into the water]

Shit! Get him on the UQC!

[into the radio]

Bud! We lost the crane!Say again, what?The crane! We've lost the crane! It's on its way down to you!All right, all right everybody brace for impact! Close all the exterior hatches, let's go go go go![to SEALs] You two help secure the rig! Let's go!One Night! One Night, can you hear me? Get the hell outta there, the crane's comin' down!

[part of the cable hits One Night's cab, but she manages to get away]

I'm okay, I'm clear, Bud!

[the crew braces for impact; Hippy puts Beany in a plastic bag]

Lt. Hiram Coffey
Catfish De Vries
Virgil 'Bud' Brigman
Let's get something straight. You people are under my authority.Look, partner, we don't work for you. We don't take orders from you. And we don't much like you.Hey, Cat. Cat.Yeah?Why don't you take the first watch on sonar? Okay?
Lt. Hiram Coffey
We have no way of warning the surface. And you know what that means? It means, whatever happens, is up to us.
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